1. Your father once told me that since the day you were born, you’ve always liked breaking things. I used to think he was talking about toys, but now I wonder if he meant promises and hearts.

2. You’ve always liked alcohol more than I do, and I haven’t been sober in weeks. I wonder if you drink to forget me. I definitely drink to forget you. But they tell me that after more than thirteen shots, the only word that comes out of my mouth is your name.

3. I haven’t heard from you in 183 days. I wonder if the drugs killed you or you found someone else to inject your life into. I hope she’ll realize that even if she fills her veins with alcohol and drugs, there will still be enough room in her body for you.

4. I never really understood heartbreak until you told me you didn’t love me anymore. You used to bite your lip when you were nervous. I wonder if you now bite hers.

5. I’m sure that your Catholic mother would agree with me that screaming “OH GOD” in bed when a girl makes you cum, doesn’t count as going to church. Neither does using Bible paper to roll a joint. I wonder if you’ve already finished the New Testament, or do you now fold it up to snort coke?

6. There must be a reason I was so attracted to your black heart and why I found so much comfort in a soul as dark as yours. Maybe I suffer from Nyctophilia.

7. You told me you liked rain because it washed away the pain. I wonder why you never kissed me in it.

8. I wonder if you tell your new girlfriend about me. I wonder if she’ll ever know that one time, I bandaged the wounds on your knuckles after you got into a fight again.

9. I should’ve walked away when the nightmares I had about people hurting me were replaced by dreams about people who were hurting you.

10. They say that if you drink enough vodka, it tastes like love. I’ve been drinking to taste us again, but all I taste is blood.

11. The last time I saw you your eyes were a sweet, melted blue like the morning sky. I wonder if they are stony and impenetrable now. If they are, I hope they are still recognizable.

12. I wonder if girls still apologize to you for things that weren’t their fault but yours. You had that kind of power over me.

13. You told me that my brown eyes were your favorite color. I wonder what you’d think if you saw how bloodshot they are now.

14. My mother told me that one day the sound of your name won’t make me flinch anymore, and the thought of you will no longer bring tears. It’s been 6 months and that day still hasn’t come. I say I don’t miss you anymore, but I think she knows I’m lying.

15. Why do I keep hating myself for something that you did to me?

16. Remember that night that you and some of your friends decided to jump off a bridge for fun? You were so drunk that I’d be surprised if you still remember, but when I begged you to stay next to me, you told me you had nothing to lose. After I told you you would lose me if you died, you still jumped. I should’ve left you immediately after checking if you were okay.

17. I’ve been told that drugs is bad for me. I’ve also been told that loving you is bad for me. I’m high as fuck.

18. I wonder if you still drink wine. I don’t. I am drinking beer tonight because the taste of wine on my tongue reminds me too much of how I used to get intoxicated on nothing but the flavor of you on my skin.

19. It took you 11 months to tell me how you got the scars on your skin. I wonder if your new girlfriend knows the truth already.

20. Last night I went to a party with hopes of forgetting you. But it turned out that even when I’m drunk as hell, you’re far more intoxicating than the bottle of tequila I’m drinking.

They say I’m better now than I ever was with you, so why am I still hurting?

d.a.n. (the-fault-in-our-scars)